Video Game Capsule Reviews
Originally written for Insomnia.ac

Zombies Ate My Neighbors (4/5)– This Lucasarts throwback to the cheesy horror movie genre is an enjoyable one. Play as either the nerdy Zeke or the babe Julie and fight against swarms of classic movie monsters -- picking up an incredibly diverse assortment of weaponry as you progress. The adventure can be tackled solo, but it’s best enjoyed with somebody to fight with over who gets which power-ups.

Illusion of Gaia (5/5)– A highly enjoyable action RPG in the same vein as Zelda or Secret of Mana, the second chapter in the Soul Blazer trilogy is considered by many to be the best. One of the few wonderfully melancholy SNES experiences, the plot is surprisingly deep at times. Between the scenes of drifting hopelessly at sea, the death of your childhood friends and the self-sacrifice of one noble pet pig, you’ll wonder if all the heartache is worth it. For the ending, I would say rightfully so.

Donkey Kong Country (4/5)–  The game that for better or for worse introduced the world to the idea of “Pre-Rendered Graphics.” Despite this, the game features some very solid platforming, and is a blast to play. As either Donkey Kong or his little buddy Diddy Kong, roll, jump and bash your way through a variety of intense almost-3D action. It should say something that 10 years after its release, the advertising for Rare’s classic flop “Grabbed by the Ghoulies” was “From the makers of Donkey Kong Country.” I would’ve opted for “From the makers of R.C. Pro Am” myself.
Hyper Zone (1/5) – H.A.L Laboratories tries their best to show off the impressiveness of Mode 7 graphics in this forgettable rail shooter. Lazily fend off waves of uninspired alien creatures and boring boss encounters over the course of eight stages worth of pretty visual effects. The few thrills come from momentarily forgetting what you’re playing isn’t F-Zero.

Chrono Trigger (5/5) - An incredible SNES masterpiece and a pinnacle of its genre, Chrono Trigger is one of those games that reminds me why I used to enjoy RPGs. The game shines everywhere, from the great characters, the incredible graphics, and the fun yet surprisingly mature storyline. Perhaps the greatest achievement of Chrono Trigger is the pacing. No inconsequential fetch quests, no forty-hour treads through boring dungeons, just a nonstop romp throughout time. No random battles? Unique team-up attacks? A medieval frog swordsman? Pinch me, I'm in heaven.

Final Fight (4/5) - How can I argue with a nearly arcade-perfect translation of this arcade beat-em-up? Sure, playable character Guy took up too much memory and was removed, and beautiful ladyboy Poison has been removed in favor of nondescript punk kid #9, but hell. As long as I can guide the good Mayor Haggar on a tour through the backstreets of his beloved Metro City, murdering through everyone and everything in his way, I'm content. And though popular opinion would seem to suggest eating an entire cooked chicken you found in an oil drum would be a bad idea, here it just seems so right.

Final Fight Guy (4/5) - It's exactly the same as Final Fight! I mean, Cody has been replaced with our favorite Hi-Top wearing ninja Guy, but why the hell were you playing with anyone other than Haggar to begin with? I guess Guy is an interesting change-up to Cody, but it isn't really drastic enough to make anyone care. If you're a Guy fan good luck tracking this one down in America, as it was only available at Blockbuster Video.

Lufia 2: Rise of the Sinistrals (4/5)- A surprisingly great RPG, as compared to the "<strike>Paint</strike> Dragon Warrior by Numbers" attempt of the orignal. Everything about this game would likely be as unremarkable as the first if not for the Zelda-esque dungeons, which feature their share of nail-biters. Battle is a standard RPG affair, made interesting by the addition of capsule monsters - beast familiars you raise and strengthen by feeding them your old equipment. A very enjoyable game, though if you're like me some of the block puzzles will have you stumped for hours.
Aladdin (3/5)- Though it never got as much praise as the spectacular Genesis version by Virgin Interactive, Capcom has been pushing out solid licensed kids games since the NES (Ducktales anyone?). The graphics are bright and colorful, and the platforming action is solid despite its simplicity - tossing apples at palace guards or racing away from a wave of lava atop your magic carpet. I've always found beating simple Capcom games like these to be a good way to waste away an afternoon. Kudos Capcom, Kudos.

Shaq-Fu (0/5) - The story goes that the horrible company responsible for this garbage had already finished most of the game before as an getting the Shaq license and cramming him in there as an afterthought. Where this really shows is the plot, wherein Shaq gets sent through a magical portal and has to fight a variety of bizarre mystical warriors. A fighting game seemingly designed by people who had never played a fighting game before, hit boxes are non-existent and jumps are uncontrollable leaps from one end of the stage to the other. This game was a mistake, though maybe not as much so as the movie "Kazaam."

Wolfenstein 3D (2/5)- If you haven't played the game that would eventually become Doom, you probably shouldn't play it here. This early 90s attempt at a first-person shooter is surprisingly still competent despite being graphically lacking. Though Nintendo being the humanitarians they are stripped all mention of Nazis from what was previously pretty well summed up as "That game where you fight Nazis." No swastikas, no Hitler mid-boss, no nothing. Legend has it that as revenge for this neutering ID Software gave the software to the company that would eventually re-skin the entire thing and illegally release it as the unofficial SNES game "Noah's 3D Ark."

Wordtris (0/5) - Alexey Pazhitnov is a Russian programmer who got extremely lucky this one time and came up with likely the best puzzle game of all time, Tetris. Afterwards the Soviet Union apparently used a fiendish device to extract all the remaining creativity from his brain, as evidenced by his inability to come up with an original idea since. From the man who brought you Hatris, which was Tetris with hats, comes Wordtris, which is like Tetris + Scrabble minus the fun of either. Use falling letters to assemble words, which will disappear when completed and drop the letters above them. Maybe this is fun for an English major, but when your 8th X is cluttering up the board it's time to turn the system off and go home.
Golden Sun (2/5) – This by-the-numbers RPG is a tired exercise in un-originality. Four generic adventurers set off on a forgettable fetch quest, with tedious dialogue and level grinding following all the while. Of note however is the Djinn system, which allows you to switch possession of the twenty-eight different Djinn to be found in the game between party characters, resulting in different skill sets depending on the set-up. The graphics are admittedly impressive, but that alone isn’t enough to make the experience worthwhile.

Advance Wars (4/5)– The first installment of the popular “Nintendo Wars” series to see release in the West, its certainly a good chapter to come in on. Lead the Orange Star army against a colorful cast of friend and foe alike, earning new maps and playable characters as you go. The turn based strategy is simple yet addictive, with a wide variety of units to help you dominate the land, air, and sea. A blast for multiplayer, this early GBA title remains one of the best.

Summon Night: Swordcraft Story (4/5)– An enjoyable dungeon romp through the eyes of a young “craftlord,” blacksmiths who specialize in crafting powerful weapons from materials found deep beneath the earth’s surface. Accompanied by one of four Guardian beasts you must fight your way through a variety of dungeons, crafting new and more powerful weapons as you go, all in an effort to become the greatest Craftlord of them all. Lots of re-playability, from trying to collect all of the weapon schematics or just playing the game through with a different guardian beast. A late comer to the GBA library, but a welcome addition.

Fire Emblem (3/5)– A highly enjoyable strategy RPG that has the unfortunate design decision of often having multiple important story characters involved in battles, with the stiupulation that if any of them die the mission is considered an immediate failure. Despite this sometimes frustrating flaw, the battle graphics are incredible to watch in action and the straight-forward tactics style gameplay is addictive, even without the inclusion of character customization.

Kuru Kuru Kururin (5/5) – In this extremely addictive puzzle game, you must help guide Kururin’s slowly rotating stick-shaped craft through a series of mazes, being careful not to bump against walls and traps. Can you rescue all of Kururin's family members who are trapped in the mazes? Can you do it without losing a life? Can you beat the clock and get the fastest time? Plenty of extra challenges make an otherwise simple puzzler a greatly enjoyable experience.

Wario Ware Inc. (3/5)– An extremely quirky and fun title that went on to spawn numerous sequels, Wario is low on cash and decides the video game industry is where it can be made. Try your hand at Wario’s bizarre twist on game design by engaging in a slew of fast-paced mini-games. From the mundane to the bizarre, you'll find yourself picking noses, shooting down aliens and revisiting some Nintendo classics, all in the span of about five seconds or less apiece. Very addictive, with plenty of things to unlock, including a full version of Dr. Mario (now relabeled as Dr. Wario, with some changes to match). The only real complaint is that the game is rather short, and can be beaten in a few hours. Still, what a few hours they are.

Ninja Five-O (4/5) – Probably the definition of a sleeper GBA hit, this fun Bionic Commando style platformer is an old school blast. Developed by Hudson Soft of all people, you must use your ninja skills to take down a nondescript crime syndicate. However you'll hopefull be too busy swinging around like a madman, launching shuriken and burying your katana in baddies to really notice the plot. Lots of fun, any fans of either Bionic Commando or Shinobi can appreciate this mash-up.

Zone of the Enders: The Fist of Mars (1/5) – Despite an enjoyable storyline and innovative battle system, this tactical mech RPG is a bore. Once you discover that you can avoid every single attack in the game by simply rotating the d-pad in a slow circle, there’s no reason to keep playing. The only saving grace is the soundtrack, featuring several quite impressive tracks that shine despite the GBA’s lacking audio hardware. In the end though, hard to recommend this title, even to fans of the Z.O.E. series. It just isn’t worth it.